We are in a nursing home, and my grandmother is dying. Her sister, my mother, and I are taking shifts to be with her.
Her devastating stroke in September has caused a gradual decline. Until a few weeks ago she was in a lot of pain thanks to her new friend “hyperaesthesia”—an “exquisite sensitivity to stimuli.” Then we researched and were advised to place her in hospice care. She’s now getting the best—if most addictive—pain medication modern science can provide.

It was beautiful to hear her say “I am so comfortable!” when the new drugs kicked in. It was sad to discover she no longer wanted to eat or drink as the meds were ramped up to keep her comfort level stable. We asked, and she was clear about wanting to stay pain free, over wanting to eat and stay awake more.

Not allowing CPR, or ventilation, or feeding tubes is a no brainer for our family. I am tempted to feel bad that she will be gone within days because she is no longer eating… but she’s an RN and has always been clear about her wishes. She never wanted to be in this physical condition, in this place, feeling the way she does. Actually, I do feel bad, but I must respect her wishes.

I am tempted to take her home so that she can die in her own bed. But moving her would be traumatic and painful. It’s better that we let her be as peaceful as possible.

She didn’t deserve this.